Romantic love in couples relationship is a beautiful thing; but most people don’t realize that there are two stages to this type of love. Most of us are in love, with the “heady, giddy feelings” that is common to the first stage that we call “Euphoric Love.” It’s called the Euphoric stage for a reason, since it is at this stage that we experience a state of intense happiness.
It is also at the stage that our brains are inundated with “love hormones” (testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin) and they do their magic as they run rampant throughout our system. We can’t think in a logical fashion, and our loved one is constantly at the forefront of our minds. We eat, sleep, and exist, within the constraints of the one we love.
Of course, if we think about it logically – it is a good thing that this stage doesn’t last forever, since we would probably be useless to our employers, or anyone else needing us to be fully present. It’s a good thing then, that this stage lasts only about two years. During this Euphoric stage in couples relationship, we have the tendency to see anything concerning our object of affection through “rose-colored lenses.” We think and believe that they are just the best thing that’s ever happened to us. We make excuses for any faults our friends or family members point out to us. We will even choose him/her over our family and friends if they become too critical. This is when you will hear the phrase, “Love is blind” as it is indeed true at this stage in couples relationship.
Many couples who get married during this stage, will spend the early part of their marriage “coming down” from this Euphoria, and will begin to question whether they really loved this person or not. This happens because they will have reached the second stage of romantic love in couples relationship, when the hormones have subsided considerably, and the couple now begins to see each other for who they really are. Faults and deficiencies rise to the surface, and partners may begin to wonder if this was the same person they were “head-over heels in love with” not so long ago.
This transition to the second stage of love in couples relationship can be difficult if the couple did not find and create stronger “friendship bonds” during the Euphoric Stage. If they discover they have nothing in common except for sex, this transition will be very tentative and fragile.
The second stage in couples relationship requires that individuals now begin getting to know each other’s strengths, weaknesses, faults, annoyances, and still be able to love and support each other as a couple.
It is during the second stage that many couples break apart, since many individuals believe that being in love means they should remain in the Euphoric stage forever; however, that is not true. So, when things have slowed down a bit and interactions become more routine, many miss the “high” of the Euphoric stage and will abandon ship.
What these individuals don’t realize however, is that love beyond the Euphoric stage is the real love. This is when couples develop commitment to their partners, this is when they begin to get to know each other in many intimate ways which deepens their love, this is when couples begin to know what each other is thinking without asking, where just a look speak a thousand words, and when they begin to be comfortable just being in the company of each other wherever they happen to be.
This is a deeper type of love. This is the real thing. And this requires, work and consistency. It requires, trust and honesty. It requires, forgiveness and agreeing to disagree when both partners come from a different stance. It is about compromise, support, and unconditional love. This is the real love that many miss because they were so enamored with the Euphoric, shallow, fleeting, type of love in couples relationships that rarely lasts and require nothing but hormones to keep them on a hormonal high. This is the love that couples should really strive for, because this is real love.
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