Last Friday I took part in the final process of what I’ve come to call, “the culmination of my PhD degree” and I wanted to share with you my thoughts as I navigated the different stages of completing what many call “this momentous achievement!”

I divided the “process” into different steps – for ease of discussion, as these were the steps or milestones where I thought I would “feel” the excitement I’ve heard so much about, when one successfully navigates these milestones. They are: the dissertation defense, the signing off of the final dissertation and then the binding of the dissertation, the conferral of the degree, and the actual convocation of the degree at the formal graduation ceremony.

At the end of my dissertation defense when my chair and committee members gave me the news that I had successfully defended my dissertation, the emotion I remember feeling the most was, relief. Relief that I didn’t have to stay up nights preparing my defense, making sure my PowerPoint addressed all the necessary points it should, making sure I knew my study inside out and outside in, and agonizing about the questions my committee and guests may ask after I presented my defense. After my defense, I remember feeling really tired – all of a sudden – as if all the stress that was “bottled up” for the past 4 years had come crashing down on me. What I remember was going home to sleep for the rest of the day and into the next morning. I did not remember feeling “excited” that I had successfully defended this work that imprisoned my free time for an entire year. I have been told that this was such a “great achievement” and I did know that in my head, but somehow that feeling of excitement never materialized.

I kept thinking that perhaps, once I made all my edits and my chair and committee members had signed off on my dissertation for binding, that perhaps, then – I would feel excited. Instead what I felt was another bout of relief; relief that I could finally put this 200 pages of research behind me, that I no longer needed to read and re-read, or make edits to this large document. And that finally, I would actually be able to enjoy the Christmas holidays without having to look at another article, read another book, make one more round of edits. Yes – the feeling that I felt once again was relief – not excitement – just relief.

So I thought that perhaps when my degree got conferred – then perhaps, I should certainly feel that “feeling of excitement” everyone insisted I should be feeling! Many commented that they would be “partying for a very long time” – when all I wanted to do was sleep and watch TV. Something “mindless” where I wasn’t required to “think, analyze or even pay attention, in order to get the general gist of the story. My bed became my best friend and I slept for hours. And when I wasn’t sleeping or working, I would “binge watch” episodes of TV shows I hadn’t been able to watch during my 4 years of studies. I secretly wondered if I would ever stop feeling so “lazy” – not wanting to do anything but sleep and watch TV. I will confess that scared me a bit.

Unfortunately, I had to wait an entire semester to get my degree conferred, since, naughty me; I had dared to finish my dissertation an entire semester before the 4-semester requirement that I was required to be registered for the dissertation process. So for an entire semester I waited – doing absolutely nothing. I felt I was being punished for completing my dissertation too quickly since, not only did I have to pay for that semester when I wasn’t doing anything to war my dissertation, but my degree could not be conferred because I was still registered. Bummer!!!

Well, finally the semester ended and my degree was conferred, and although a felt a little excited when I received the piece of paper that meant I was now “really finished” my doctoral degree; I wouldn’t quite call that feeling one of excitement. It was more of a “OK, I can breathe now – I’m really finished.”

The final step for me was when I was preparing for the actual graduation ceremony. I went through the process of ordering my regalia, and completed all the necessary processes to take part in the ceremony. I did “feel” a bit of excitement when I picked up my regalia – but it was short-lived. I remember taking it home and resting it on the nearest chair as I entered my home. It was not until the day before the ceremony that I tried it on and decided that I would have to wear something really lightweight under it because the material was so heavy and warm. No real feeling of excitement yet…

Okay, perhaps when my family and I got in the car to attend the ceremony I would feel excited! There was a bit of buzz during the process – but I believe I was more excited to have my family together to celebrate this event, than excited about the actual event itself. In fact, the process graduates have to go through felt somewhat like going through a production line. It was hot under the heavy graduation regalia, and we stood and waited to line up then marched in single file into the stadium, only to sit squished up like hot sardines while we waited to called onto the stage to get our degree and pictures taken. Not quite the material for excitement – at least, not for me.

After the entire series of events leading up to the formal ceremony, I took some time to mull over why I was not as excited as most said, I should have been. On this I can only speak for myself. I believe that my doctoral degree and the entire process I had to go through to get it, was only a part of the JOURNEY of my life. It was a process I had to go through to be equipped for the remainder of my journey on this earth. It’s a “tool” that helps to prepare me to help the people I feel I was created to help become a better version of themselves. It was just a part of my JOURNEY and NOT the DESTINATION!

Although I am very proud to have accomplished so great an achievement, I also feel the responsibility to use the knowledge I’ve gained to fulfill my purpose – the reason I am here. So – while I never felt this overwhelming “feeling of excitement” I heard so much about, I AM excited for the next chapter of my life where I will help people to become the best version of themselves possible, by moving out of a place where they feel immobilized to achieving the goals they were meant to achieve in life.