A few days ago we all learned that Kate Spade, an apparently successful and accomplished entrepreneur committed suicide. This morning we learned that Anthony Bourdain, another successful and accomplished entrepreneur also hung himself in a Paris apartment. The question that jumps to mind is why? But as a psychotherapist, I also understand that people can be fighting horrible demons; and yet “appear” to be perfectly fine to people on the outside.

We’ve mastered the art of self-deception, and when we deceive ourselves we don’t seek the help we need because we convince ourselves that we are doing just fine. And if by some inner reflection, we “know” that we are NOT doing fine, then, because of societal expectations, where successful people are looked upon as lucky, or people who have no problems, those of us suffering from some debilitating mental deficiency “pretend” to be okay, when we’re dying on the inside. Wealthy, successful people are looked upon as people who has everything going for them, but what most of us don’t realize is that accomplishing that status can be a very lonely road.

These people are “expected” to have it all together. People look up to them as mentors, or examples of what can be accomplished, but these people are not privy to the “personal demons” at work in the lives of these wealthy, successful people. Individuals who’ve achieved this level of wealth, have worked tirelessly to achieve it. And, many times they sacrifice their relationships to do so. Many are left alone as their spouse, children and loved ones tire of their inability to find time to spend with them. Many have used their money and expensive things to buy the love of their spouse and children; but what they don’t realize is that NOTHING can take the place of someone taking the time to spend with those they love. This successful individual now becomes a type of “personal bank account” and the people who stick around are there just for what they can get from them. After a while, this individual have so successfully distanced themselves from those who love him/her, that their loved ones have found other people to fill the huge void of affection and love, which no amount of money and things can fill.

Individuals who neglect their loved ones to make more money always have the excuse that they are doing it for their family; but sadly they don’t realize that time spent with their family is more important than any amount of money they could give them.

People are created to need love, affection and and connection with others, and when they are deprived of these things – they die – or they kill themselves. 

The elderly, locked away in homes without seeing or hearing from their loved ones die earlier than those whose family are a constant in their lives. Babies, who are fed, clothed, bathed, and have everything seemingly necessary for survival, dies – if they are not spoken to, cuddled and loved. Spouses, wither away from loneliness and run into the arms of the first person who shows them some type of affection. Children join gangs, get addicted to drugs or commit horrible crimes when they are not loved. And, people kill themselves when they feel so alone and believe nobody loves or really cares for them. Love is not a luxury to be had, love, which is shown when people value you over money and take the time to spend with you, is a necessity for survival. Yes – you can survive for a while without love – even when you’re dead inside, but that’s exactly what people who are not loved does – they survive.

It is truly sad, that in a world where people are so connected by technology, that for the first time in history, people are the most alone, and lonely!

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