“Each one of you also MUST LOVE his wife as he loves himself; and the wife MUST RESPECT her husband.” Ephesians 5:33.

Isn’t it amazing how God already knew this would be a problem for us and put it in His Word as guidelines of how we are called to love each other in our marriage relationships?

We are just now catching up with research that these two factors are the main causes of whether we succeed or fail at marriage relationships. Gottman found this to be the common thread that runs through the fabric of the disintegration of couples relationships, when the principle of Ephesians 5:33 is not adhered to.

At the core of the male psyche, he needs to be respected, while at the core of the female psyche, she needs to feel loved. When the husband does not feel respected, he cannot respond with love for his wife; when she does not feel loved, she cannot respond with love for her husband.

So what is there to do?

Men seem to be always secure in his wife’s love.  You don’t normally hear a man going around asking his wife if she still loves him. However, we hear women asking and questioning this fact on a regular basis.

Many of the interactions in couples relationships are not meant to hurt each other, however, men and women also understand things differently and these differences add up to huge misinterpretations that can send couples on the warpath.

The awareness of what constitutes how a woman feels loved or unloved, and how a man feels respected or disrespected, can go a far way in helping couples understand each other’s needs. If they are able to see what behavior patterns constitutes “feeling unloved or disrespected’ from from afar off, they will be better able to put a stop to it before it escalates into World War III.

Husbands can make their wives feel unloved when they put other’s needs above hers, fail to listen to her concerns, or fail to spend one on one time with her. Wives can make your husbands feel disrespected when they shout at him for not taking out the garbage, mutter a derogatory response to something he says, or make plans without consulting him. These are just a few examples, but I’m sure you can come up with much more examples of your own.

Making your wife feel loved, and your husband  respected are not easy tasks, especially when compounded with the stress of everyday life and the little annoyances that occur as a result of everyday interaction between couples. However, if you are mindful of each other and how easily simple everyday interactions can snowball into problem areas in your relationship – then it is more likely that couples can have harmonious and real pleasurable relationships with each other.